


Ghost

by barsonaddict



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Gen, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:44:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4855190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barsonaddict/pseuds/barsonaddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barba's plans for lunch get derailed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Set sometime post-Season 16- Amaro's retirement is in effect

Rafael Barba has heard the rumors, stories of interrogations, the stuff of legends.

He has seen his picture, his name on plaques and old case files in the precinct.

But mostly, he comes to know of Elliot Stabler in far-off looks, momentary silences, and odd facial reactions to seemingly innocuous words and phrases, like Queens, Catholic, 'for better or worse' and partner.

He equally craves and dreads the moment when Elliot Stabler comes backs into Olivia's life.  
Craves the closure it would bring her, and imagines he would leave that meeting with a bright red hand print on his left cheek.  
Dreads the possibility that she has been harbouring Feelings for her former partner, and their seemingly inevitable reunion would end up in her bedroom.

So when he walks off the precinct elevator one sunny afternoon, buzzed on caffeine and the knowledge that their case is shaping up nicely, he is distracted and doesn't notice the unusual quiet of the squad room.

Not until he is almost to Liv's closed office door and Carisi rushes over to cut him off with a hissed, "I don't think you wanna go in there just now, Counselor."

He looks up from his phone and for the first time sees how every occupant of the squad room is not only silent, but staring at the CO's office, as if by collective will they would be able to see through the closed blinds.

"Who's in with Liv? We're meeting in...well, now actually. She get cornered by Dodds again?" Barba questions, his voice almost echoing in the eerie quiet.

Carisi looks to his fellow detectives for backup, but neither Fin nor Rollins is eager to jump in.  
Rollins looks downright fascinated with the large viewing window; while Fin looks on the verge of punching something, flexing his right hand seemingly unconsciously.

Barba tries again, "Seriously guys? Who's in there? I didn't miss a call about a high profile case did I?"

Finally Carisi throws him a bone. "Uh...no case, it's not a celebrity. Or brass." He adds, before Barba can repeat that question.

"So then who is it? Is Liv okay? Everything all right with Noah?" With that thought, Barba's mind goes into overdrive and he starts backing towards the office door trying to force images of Noah in a hospital bed from his head.

"Noah's fine. The Sarge is...she has a visitor." Carisi rushes to get out in an attempt to keep Barba away from the door.

Barba's face shows his confusion, and he stops his movement toward the office saying, "Okay? So who is this important- visitor- that has her blinds closed and everyone acting like they just witnessed the Second Coming?"

Fin mutters something unintelligible under his breath.

"What was that, Fin?" Barba is really starting to get annoyed with the lack of information coming from the squad. All he had wanted was to swing by and grab Liv so they could share a cab to the restaurant for their lunch reservation, hopefully get all the shop talk out of the way before they ordered, and enjoy the company of his best friend. It was looking less and less like that scenario was going to happen today.

He tries not to get frustrated with her- is it too much to ask someone to keep their standing weekly lunch?- for all he knows, she hasn't requested this (hopefully impromptu) visit.

"I said, this place is fucking haunted. Ghosts coming out of the goddamn woodwork."

Barba tries to make sense of the detective's comment. Over the past few months there had been several retirement parties for members of the 1-6, most notably Nick Amaro- who according to Barba's Facebook feed was currently working on his tan in Southern California; not very ghost-like.

Parties like that tended to bring retirees out in droves- but since Barba only really knew Amaro, and had been in the middle of a trial during that particular festivity, he dropped by only long enough to give his best wishes and a recommendation for a great Cuban restaurant in San Diego.

So while Barba was wracking his brain as to what particular ghost would bring on a reaction like this, rumbling voices could be heard from the other side of the office door.

The voices slowly getting louder, Barba looked around to see if anyone else had- yes. Everyone else had noticed. And everyone but Fin was wide-eyed and looked a little nervous.

Fin just looked over it.

"Should we...?" Rollins hesitantly starts, but her partner shakes his head.

"No. Leave 'em alone. Liv can handle herself, and this isn't the first time they've had a screaming match in the precinct." Fin says quietly, his eyes never leaving the direction of the slatted blinds.

Screaming matches? In the precinct? That does not sound like the Olivia Benson he knows. But...and in the moment before his brain oh-so-helpfully supplies the contents of every conversation he has ever participated in containing something vaguely Stabler-like, his stomach drops to his knees, and he just Knows who is behind that door.

Second coming is an apt description.

Barba spins around and gives the office an almost betrayed look, as if he expected the walls to crumble in on someone who caused it's occupant so much heartache.

Raised voices continue to be heard, and Barba finally gathers himself enough to ask, "How long have they been in there?"

"Too long."  
"Not long."  
"19 minutes."  
Fin, Rollins, and Carisi all answer at the same time.

"What? I happened to glance at the clock when she closed the blinds. Don't act like you aren't paying attention to this too!" Carisi defends his timekeeping, but Barba does not hear him, focusing on what they could possibly have been discussing for 19 minutes.

At the twenty one minute mark, a slightly muffled "Fuck you, Elliot!" followed by what can only be described as a slapping sound is heard and the door to the office is thrown open, the rattling of the blinds deafening in the shocked silence.

"Get back to work!" Sergeant Benson storms out of the office and down the hallway toward the interrogation rooms, leaving her subordinates stunned, and her ADA wondering if he should go after her or go into her office to...what?

Hit the guy? She already did that. Tell him to go to hell? Basically did that too.

After only a moment's hesitation, Barba is in pursuit, calling for Liv to wait for him.

He finds her in the back stairwell, leaning against the wall looking drained.

"Rain check on our lunch meeting? I have...stuff to catch up on here, if you don't mind." Olivia looks up at Barba when he doesn't answer.

Barba just looks at her for a long moment. "Seriously? That's it?"

"What do you mean? I haven't been very productive so far today and I just can't-"  
Barba interrupts her rambling, "You aren't going to tell me why you just slapped someone you were unhealthily close to for over 12 years and just pretend it didn't happen?"

"No, I'm not. I don't owe you an explanation, just like I don't owe him one either!" Olivia grinds out, not making eye contact and crossing her arms defensively.

Barba notices she doesn't refute his description of her relationship with her former parter, and doesn't know whether to be proud he knows her so well, or sick at the thought that his fears may actually come true.

Back in the squad room, silence reigns as everyone continues to stare at the office door. Fin and Rollins are the only ones who can see into the office, but their angle is wrong to see the defeated figure of Elliot Stabler.

Carisi, torn between minding his own business and wanting to protect his Sergeant, is hovering outside the door, wondering whether he should go in and ask him to leave.

The decision is made for him however, when shuffling footsteps are heard approaching the threshold of the office. Carisi tries to force a hard look onto his face, and turns to glare at the older man.

Similar looks are found on faces around the room, which is starting to go back to business as usual. Officers are moving back to their desks, shuffling papers, and refilling coffee mugs while managing to keep one eye in the direction of the office.

When Stabler finally emerges, a red hand print visible on his left cheek, he keeps his head down and makes his way across the squad room, past a desk that he spent a good portion of his life sitting behind, and pauses momentarily next to his former colleague.

"I'm sorry. I don't...there's nothing else I can offer either of you." The apology is quiet but sincere.

"Yeah. That just about sums it up. See ya 'round, Stabler." Fin doesn't spare him a glance, just keeps watch on the hallway where Barba and Liv disappeared.

Elliot nods his head and resumes what feels like a funeral march out of the 1-6. He can't imagine a situation where he could come back here. His return did not go as he so naively envisioned.

"Are you going to sleep with him?" Barba's question hangs in the air between them. Air that is so thick with tension it could stop a bullet. Which he thinks might be helpful considering she is armed and looking at him like he is the scum they arrest daily.

"I...I...I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that," Barba hangs his head and desperately wishes he could take back those words.

Olivia just leans her head back against the wall, closes her eyes and let's out a defeated sigh. Shaking her right hand out, she says quietly, "I don't want to see him ever again, if that answers your question."

"Liv, you don't need to...you're right, you don't owe me an explanation," Barba returns just as quietly.

"Maybe not, but I want you to know where I stand with him. I don't want you thinking I'm just biding my time waiting for someone else," Olivia explains, making eye contact.

They look at each other for a few moments, the tension now gone.

Olivia takes a deep breath and pushes herself off the wall. "I really can't leave for lunch today, but if you were to bring back something I'm sure we could go over the case notes between bites."

The small grin she shoots him gives Barba the confidence to reach for her hand a give it a squeeze.

"Whatever you want, Liv."

As they walk back down the hallway, shoulders brushing, Barba gives her hand one more squeeze and lets go before they are in view of the squad room.

Barba heads for the elevator, mentally going through the closest take out joints for the quickest option; and as he hits the button for the lobby he realizes that while he isn't whisking her away from the precinct, he still gets to enjoy the company of his best friend.

He contemplates her mood over sandwiches from the deli on the corner.

And while she is perhaps a little less talkative than normal, there is an air of contentment and a light in her eyes that he hasn't seen before.

Barba can only hope that some of that comes from her current company, and the fact that he's not going anywhere.

"Even if you go, I know you'll come back," she answers.

Did he say that out loud?

Liv laughs, "Yeah, ya did. But I know you'd be back- we have some squabbling to attend to for the next forty years or so."

They share a smile that turns into a laugh when Barba adds, "Wouldn't that be nice."


	2. 21 Minutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What were Olivia and Elliot discussing for 21 minutes? This is that story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at roughly the same time as the first chapter.

Sergeant Olivia Benson is sitting at her desk, attempting to focus on paperwork, but not having much luck. 

She is expecting Barba any time now, she has signed all the files he sent over earlier, and they are going out for lunch to discuss the case going to trial next week. 

Her mind keeps wandering, but always seems to settle on Noah, and her worries that he isn't developing on track for his age, that she doesn't see him enough, that he seems addicted to the iPad...usually she restricts these thoughts to already sleepless nights, but today for some reason she can't get her mind off her son. 

She barely registers her desk phone ringing, and answers automatically. 

It's the substitute desk sergeant, letting her know that someone is on their way to her office. No they didn't have an appointment; no I didn't catch their name. 

She sighs and wonders when Vickers will be back from vacation- surely he must be tired of the cruise life by now?

Figuring it's Barba, she abandons the paperwork she hasn't touched in an hour anyway, shuts the lid on her laptop, and is digging through the bottom drawer for her purse when she hears a knock at the door. 

She calls out a distracted, 'Come In', wondering how she had managed to dump the entire contents of her handbag and not notice. 

Focused on shoving random shit back into her purse, she doesn't look up when the door opens, simply says, "I'll be ready to go in a second, you're early for once."

There is a moment of silence, and then the visitor speaks, "I didn't realize you were expecting me."

Olivia freezes. She hasn't heard that voice in years. Not since she stopped calling him and leaving voicemails that always went unreturned. 

Slowly, she raises her head and looks at her former partner. 

Elliot Stabler looks basically the same, just a little more grey than the last time she saw him; they spend a moment just looking at each other. 

He is the one to break the silence, "I understand if you're on your way out, I probably should have called ahead."

Olivia stands up and makes her way over to the door to close it and shut the blinds. "Uh, I have a couple minutes. I have a lunch meeting soon. That's who I thought you were, the regular desk sergeant is on vacation and the filler is useless." She takes a breath to stop her rambling, and adds, "Have a seat," indicating the chairs facing the captain's desk.

'My desk', she reminds herself. 

Elliot sits, and looks around the office, noting the many changes. 

"Congrats on running the show," he offers. "I honestly never thought you wanted to be in here, though."

Olivia looks at him, and after a moment replies, "Well, five years ago I didn't. But things change."

Elliot looks decidedly uncomfortable at this, and just nods his head, now focused on the pictures that line the windowsill behind the desk. 

He recognizes the one of Liv with her mom, and assumes the one showing her in full dress uniform is probably from her promotion ceremony. 

He can't tear his eyes away from the one with her and a cherubic baby though. He is gorgeous; big brown eyes and shiny brown hair. 

"Why are you here, Elliot?" Liv is starting to get impatient with the silence, but she'll be damned if she's going to be the one to lead this unanticipated conversation. 

He still can't look away from the image of her cheek to cheek with that baby. He ignores her question and asks his own, "Who's the baby?"

Though she doesn't need to look to know what picture he's looking at, Olivia follows his line of sight and turns around to smile at the photograph. 

"That's Noah," she answers simply. 

Elliot's eyes narrow ever so slightly, but Olivia picks up on it. 

"You gonna ask the question you really want to ask now?" She baits him, annoyed that after so long he's not even attempting to have a conversation with her; she feels like he's inspecting her life. 

Elliot finally looks at her and makes eye contact. "Is he your son?"

"Yes."

"He's beautiful. He has your eyes."

Olivia smiles at that. "Thank you. He's pretty special."

"Why are you here, Elliot?" Since he didn't answer the first time, and she really does want to know, she repeats her question. 

"Uh, I don't really know. I wanted to see you, I guess. I don't come into Manhattan very often, so when I found myself in the neighborhood I figured I'd drop in," it is mostly the truth- he just left out the part where the reason he is in the neighborhood in the first place is to see her. 

"Right." She replies. "And why today of all days?"

Elliot shrugs, and looks around the room, falling silent again.

"Look, I've got reservations to get to, so it would be great if you could say what you wanna say," Olivia is done with his silence and wants him to get on with it. 

"Well, wouldn't want to keep Cassidy waiting, he might miss his nap and get cranky," the insult is ridiculous on so many levels- mainly that Cassidy is about 4 months younger than her; not exactly cradle robbing. 

"Excuse me?" She's moved beyond annoyed to pissed off. 

"You couldn't keep it from me the first time, Liv, and you still can't," he's bordering on smug, and she really wants to slap that look off his face. 

"Not that it's any of your business, but Brian and I aren't together anymore. He's not the person I'm meeting for lunch," Olivia states, voice still raised. 

"I don't know who you're getting your information from, but they're way behind the times," Olivia says. 

"Is he Cassidy's? He knock you up and then bail for another undercover gig with a pimp? Great choice for fathering your child, Liv."

"Don't call me that," she grits out, furious. "Brian Cassidy is a good man, and I would have been proud to have children with him. He was there for me during the worst time of my life, and he never once let me down. Noah is adopted. I started fostering him after Brian and I broke up."

For some reason Elliot looks satisfied at her answer, but she doesn't want to spend the energy dissecting that. 

"You know, I've been expecting you to do this at some point, but I honestly thought it would have been after one of the half dozen times I was in the paper after almost dying on the job; or when I was kidnapped and tortured and it was on the national news for days; or when Lewis was on trial for that; or maybe when he broke out of prison and there was a city wide manhunt that ended in a contested game of Russian Roulette that I almost went to prison for. Even when Cragen or Munch retired- I really thought you'd make an appearance at their parties, but you've held off- until now. I wanna know why."

Elliot just looks at her, expression stony as she goes on. Not one thing she says is making him look even slightly surprised, and that pisses her off. She was holding on to the hope that maybe he hadn't heard of these events, and that would explain his absence. Clearly he had some other reason for staying away. 

"Well?" She prompts after he stays silent. 

"I don't know what to say, Olivia. I didn't plan for this to happen. After the shooting, I lost it. I didn't want to see you or anyone, really. It took me a long time to get my shit together and when I did, it had been so long that it was so hard- I didn't think you'd want to see me so I just kept putting it off. I really didn't expect you to abandon me like that."

To say she is shocked is the understatement of the year. How dare he?

"Really? How the hell did *I* abandon *you*? You were the one who wouldn't take my calls, then changed your number, fucking retired without even telling your partner of over twelve years! I even went to your house, Elliot. That went well. Kathy was not impressed with that- I'm sure you heard all about it. So don't you fucking dare accuse me of abandoning you!" She is managing to keep her voice just short of yelling, but knows there is likely an audience outside her office due to their raised voices. 

"I changed my number? That's your excuse? You're a detective, or at least you were before you decided to sell out and sit behind a desk. How did you get promoted so fast anyway? And a Sergeant running a borough-wide department for this long? Who are you sleeping with, Liv?"

She can't hold back any longer, the relief she felt at seeing him alive after all these years has quickly morphed into incredulity and anger that he was saying these things. But that's the thing about people who know you so well- they know how to cut deep with only a few words. 

"Fuck you, Elliot!" She practically screams at him, storming across the office toward the door. 

He moves to cut off her path, already regretting his words. 

She pushes him away, ignoring his pleading apologies but he won't back off. 

She manages to push past him but he grabs her wrist to pull her back. Reflexively she whirls around and slaps him across the face. 

"Leave me the hell alone," she warns, voice low and shaky. "You are not welcome in my life."

He's frozen, barely processing her storming from the office and yelling at the bystanders. 

He doesn't know how things got out of hand so fast. He really thought he had a better handle on his emotions after years of therapy. 

He doesn't know how long he just stands there, wishing he could go back 20 minutes and do it over again. 

Finally he takes a deep breath and shuffles out of the office, stopping briefly to exchange a few words with Fin. 

The look in her eyes when she told him to leave her alone- he knows it will haunt him for a very long time. 

He knows that she will never forgive him for what he said. It's fitting, because he won't forgive himself either. 

He doesn't know how to label their relationship- it was more than partners, less than lovers but somehow he thought they'd be together someday. 

As he makes his way out of the 16th precinct for what will most likely be the last time, he feels like a ghost; invisible. He slips out onto the street unnoticed and stops at the deli on the corner. He has no appetite but refuses to be this close to his favourite roast beef on rye and not at least take one home for later. 

While he's waiting for his sandwich he overhears a familiar order being shouted to the cooks in the back. 

He quickly looks to the counter but doesn't see Olivia- it's after the lunch rush and the only other customer is a guy in a three piece suit with over-gelled hair. 

Elliot's Spanish isn't great but he catches enough of the man's greeting with the clerk to deduce that he is without his usual dining companion. 

"She couldn't get away from the precinct, you know how it is," the customer says with a smile, having switched to English. 

"Tell her she's eating too many salads! She needs bread in her diet or she'll go crazy." Elliot recognizes Nick, the deli's owner since before he started at the One Six. 

"I'll bring her in soon and you can tell her yourself, Nick. Thanks for taking my order on the phone- I know you don't usually do that."

"Anything for my favourite customer, Mr Barba. And you know I don't mean you!" The older gentleman laughs heartily as he returns to the back of the diner. 

The man Elliot now realizes is the ADA assigned to SVU gathers his takeout bags just as his phone starts ringing. 

He answers as he makes his way back toward the door, no greeting, just, "Yes, I remembered your pickles. Of course. Nick misses you, pretty sure you got extra. I'm on my way back now..."

Elliot misses the rest of the conversation as Barba has exited onto the sidewalk. 

He realizes the clerk is calling his name- his order is ready. 

He gathers his sandwich and heads out onto the Manhattan street, turning in the direction of the Sixteenth Precinct, letting his mind wander to the countless times he and his partner would walk this same path. 

Sometimes it feels like just yesterday. 

Today it feels like another lifetime.


End file.
